So the statement; ‘I have tried everything and nothing works’ in fact may be true to some extent but in another, is not. When you do get to this point, you still haven’t tried ‘everything’, you may think you have but no you haven’t! You have to consciously make the decision everyday to fight for you, you still have ‘you’, you cannot give up on you. But ‘YOU’ have to do it; no one else on this earth can do it for you. You have the power and strength within you to do it. Where this inner strength comes from I believe is from God; our creator, He who knit us in our Mother’s womb, He who knew the plans He has for us, even before we were born. He who said, ‘I will never leave you or forsake you.’
Yes, everyday is still a struggle; there are days when I feel so all alone, tired from the fight but I have to be determined to not give up. Though some days my mind tells me that life is not worth it anymore, I cannot listen. I will find the strength within me and God is there somewhere, even when I don’t feel Him. So when those days overwhelm me and I feel I have tried everything and nothing works; I have to remember how far I ‘have’ come and remember that I will come out on top, stronger in the end.
I will no longer look at myself as a victim but as a conqueror. It’s the fight that makes me stronger. Yes this illness is looked upon so differently then any other illness. If I had cancer, kidney failure, heart disease, diabetes, etc. all of which are looked upon with concern, support and compassion (and so they should be). But because it’s a mental illness, many, not all, look at you in a different light, really so much so that you are looked upon as being defected. They look at you as if you are a different person; and yes I agree that the illness does change you but it’s not your fault nor is it mine. I hate this illness for all it as done to me but I am coming back; all in time. It’s so difficult for friends and even family to sometimes understand what’s going on because of our mental illness. But educating themselves is the best defense against misunderstanding our behavior and separating themselves from us, when in reality there as never been a time when we needed them more.
Today I realize we all struggle with something; whether that being a sickness, addiction, lost, marriage struggles, loneliness and hurts. But I also realize today that if we feel that we have tried it all and nothing works. Then I am here to tell you (and to remind myself) we still have hope, hope in God, hope in ourselves. It may not be an easy road but it’s a one that leads to hope, light and a one that we are not walking alone. When we loose faith in God and ourselves, it’s then we have nothing left; we have no hope. So let’s keep hope alive and never give up! 