Month: June 2019

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Going Outside The Will Of God

This is a quote I read the other day, sounds great when you don’t stop and think about it but when you do stop to think, it isn’t what you expect at all. The quote says, ‘If you knew how He (Jesus) can take away all that bitterness, that sorrow, that hurt, that depression, anxiety’.

To begin and I will state right from the beginning that I believe Jesus ‘can’ do all these things. But does Jesus do all these things? NO, He didn’t promise that if we came to Him all these things would be taken away. If that were the case we would have a sweeping revival flow over this earth. Who wouldn’t want to be free of all these things? I sure would. I have suffered depression and anxiety all my life. I believe beyond a shadow of doubt that God can do that. But does he always? No, that’s not the way it works. Jesus said in John 16:33, ‘I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you WILL have trouble (there is no doubt about it; Christian/Non Christian, we will still have trouble, sickness, trials and hurts). ‘But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ He promised to never leave us, or forsake us, no matter what situation we find ourselves in.

Psalm 46:1 ‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble (there will be trouble).

Romans 5:3-5 ‘But we glory in tribulations.

James 1: 2-4 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials (bitterness, sorrow, hurt, depression, anxiety) , know that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

But God did promise that He would be with us in our trials; He didn’t promise to take them away. Isaiah 41:10 ‘So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand’.

Isaiah 43:2 (World English Bible) ‘When you pass through the water’s, I will be with you: and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will  not be burned, an flame will not scorch you.’ God did not say we will not have to pass through the waters, rivers, walk through fire. But He did promise to be with us.

To say that God takes away ‘all’ bitterness, sorrow, hurt, depression and anxiety; is in my belief giving so many people false hope. And  making God out to be the ‘Genie in a bottle’. If we come to Christ it doesn’t make everything bad go away. Bad things still happen to good people. That statements also implies that if those things aren’t  taken away then there is something wrong with you the person, because Jesus is supposed to take away all that stuff. It is not our place to decide what God heals us from, that is His decision and yet there are so many who make themselves out to be God and speak for God, when that is not their place. God has a reason, a plan and purpose for everything and no one else can decide that for Him.

Because I still struggle with depression and anxiety doesn’t mean that God is not a big part of my life. It’s His ever abiding presence that have brought me thus far and WILL lead me on. And for somebody to even suggest otherwise hasn’t struggled with a mental illness or hasn’t had a child in a wheelchair. I will not tell my child that Jesus is going to make her walk, when I don’t know that, it may be in God’s will that Lauren remain in that wheelchair but I do know that God will never leave her alone in that wheelchair and He has great plans for her life, whether she’s walking or not. I may struggle with depression and anxiety for the rest of my life and if that’s what HE decides; I have no choice but to fully trust in Him. It’s not only about trusting God in the good times (that’s so easy) but it’s also about trusting Him in the bad times, that’s when your faith is really tested. And I can honestly say, ‘I still trust Jesus!’ Despite everything, I still trust Him. If those all knowing Christians just walked a mile in my shoes, would they be so quick to judge, condemn and shun. Jesus may have all the answers but I think sometimes they may not be the answers we were expecting.

I just pray daily for His strength, grace, mercy and wisdom to ‘know’ (I may not always feel, but I don’t live by feelings but by faith) that we are in the will of God. And at times, being in the will of God is not always the easy path but God WILL  provide strength that we need to pass through the waters, through the rivers and to walk through the fire.

 

 

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“Battered n’ Worn”

I have recently completed a painting called, ‘Battered n’ Worn’ (view on my Facebook Page: ‘Harris’ Artistic Designs’). It depicts a scene of an old, weather beaten shed and an overturned ‘punt’ that had seen better days. And the boisterous sea just uncaringly raging in the background. While I was engrossed in the actual painting of the scene itself, I really didn’t give much thought to what I would name the painting or what the painting was actually trying to say to me; not until it was competed! And then I stepped back and viewed it from a distance, it really told the story of my life and how I was actually feeling right at that moment. I had painted my life and it was ‘Battered n’ Worn’.

I have fought this crippling, disabling sea of depression and anxiety for far too long and it was starting to show. That along with ALL of the other winds and weather, had left me battered and worn. I was and is feeling much like that deserted, weather beaten shed; ready to crumble if I had to withstand just one more storm. How much can one withstand before the storms of life just leave you battered and worn; before the shed can take no more and just eventually crumbles beneath the beatings of the storms of it’s life.

If the only battle I had to fight was for my mental health, then maybe I could withstand that. But when the storms of life, and they are many, come beating you down and the winds are taking you off your feet, the rain as saturated your skin, right to the bones. The cold, cold air as left you numb, the raging sea is pulling you down into it’s clutches and you are drowning, gasping, gasping, gasping for air.

But you cannot keep a good ma down, no matter what others may think or say about you; you forgive and move on. You get up and dust yourself off, and we have had to do this many a times, and keep moving on.

One such battle that we have fought and I believe now is the time to let the world know how Lauren was discriminated against by Skate Canada, Skate NL and the CBNSC. I will give them the benefit of the doubt that it may not have been intentional but as defined by Human Rights: ‘Intention to discriminate is not a requirement to a finding of discrimination’. The full story can be found on our website: www.harrislisa72.com called, ‘I Want To Skate Like ‘Bruddy”. But the story doesn’t end there. I filed a complaint with the Human Rights Commission and won the right to file a ‘formal complint’ against Skate Canada NL. This was no easy journey, filled with anxiety, fear and intimidation. You see, Skate Canada (on behalf of Skate NL and CBNSC) hired a lawyer to fight their battles (an intimidation tactic I’m sure, hoping we would back off, not a chance). I followed through with the Human Rights procedure in settling this injustice.

This is what we were offered to keep our mouths shut and not proceed any further. Sadly to say, we could not proceed any further because we did not have the money to obtain legal counsel of our own and I could not fight anymore. But this is what we were offered and I am quoting Skate Canada’s lawyer, ‘My client is prepared to pay the sum of $2000.00 in settlement of this matter. These funds would be paid in exchange for a release which acknowledges no admission of liability on the part of my client. A condition of the proposed settlement is a confidentiality agreement. This proposal would not see the provision of an apology on the part of my client’. Obviously we did not accept the ‘bribe’ and because we really could not pay for a lawyer, we had to withdraw the complaint.

Did we lose? Not at all. First of all we did pass the requirements and was awarded an ‘Official Complaint with the Human Rights Commission’. That was the first hurdle and we leaped that one, without any problem. We knew we had a legitimate complaint. And although we had no admission of guilt on either of the three clubs involved; we ourselves knew by their actions of hiring a lawyer and offering money for a confidentiality agreement, that we had won.

I write this because it is not Lauren’s Cerebral Palsy that we are fighting against but an everyday fight for her rights as an equal, inclusive and accepted little girl that needs to live a happy life, in spite of the injustices, the stigma, the unfairness and lack of compassion that is still prevalent in our so-called ‘Society’ today. And this is just one example of what we have to deal with on a day to day basis. And yet we have to stay strong because the challenges that come with Cerebral Palsy alone is enough to ‘break’ any man or woman!

So today as battered and worn has we may feel, we will fix up that old shed and polish ourselves off and lift our heads high and be proud parents, that want nothing more then for their children to have the best life possible; against all odds. And we will not give up the fight, we are going to brush ourselves off and start again. It’s not a choice, we have to do it, if we are going to survive the raging storms in our  lives!