Month: January 2024

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I Do The Best That I Can With What I Have!

After a long night of a torturous sleep, I awake with a head full of brain fog. It’s one of those nights when you are physically asleep but mentally your brain is going a mile a minute. Brain fog is characterized by confusion, forgetfulness, and a lack of focus and mental clarity. Mental exhaustion is by far more tiring then physical exhaustion; it affects how you maneuver through your life or should I say how you desperately try to live a ‘normal’ life. Mental exhaustion is one of the major causes of brain fog.

So how do I deal with mental exhaustion when life constantly demands my full attention with little time for self care? To be honest; it’s not easy. One thing that has truly helped my mental health is my painting. So every spare minute that I get, I paint! There are days I cannot even focus on that but when I can, I take advantage of a ‘good’ day and paint.

Bottom line is, I do the best that I can with what I have! I’m sure I don’t always measure up to what others expect of me but thats okay. I can only do what I know I’m capable of doing; I know my limits and I have to protect my mental health. I have to protect myself from another relapse because I know that I/we would not survive another relapse; a one that would leave me nonfunctioning . It happened before and if I’m not extremely careful, it could happen again. And I will not let that happen!

So if I wake up tomorrow morning and I’m unwell, I will make no apologies; I will do the best that I can with what I have. That’s all that’s required!

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The Iceberg In My Life

Have you ever heard of the iceberg analogy for “invisible” illnesses? Illnesses that are invisible to the outside world are like an iceberg; others see just the tip and don’t realize there’s a massive structure hidden beneath the water. Living with major depression and anxiety disorder (my diagnosis); I’ve come to realize that mental illness is far more complex then what is visible; it goes much deeper.

Depression is much more than feeling sad. That’s just the tip of the iceberg! And those who have never experienced it for themselves, can never fully understand just what it is or even what it feels like. It can strip your world of all it’s colour and all you see is grey.

Similarly, anxiety isn’t just about worrying. It’s a disorder that can creep upon you at anytime and petrify you, making even simple decisions feel overwhelming. Even simple tasks that once came so easy are now insurmountable.

How have I survived? With a lot of hard work; chipping at that iceberg, one piece at a time. Never giving up!! Even on days when you really want to. Always believing that hope will bring a better day tomorrow. And do you know what? It does! Without hope I could never make it through the day. You have to believe in a power that is greater than yourself, an higher power; and that hope, that power can only be found in a God that is all powerful. He gives me strength and hope to face each day. I have proven this to be true. And you can too!