This is my testimony to the power of God in my life. We have just experienced one of the most evil attacks of satan that I have ever experienced in all my life. It left us beaten down, defeated and broken. I am not going to get into all the ugly details of what we encountered, God will take care of all those concerned and His Holy Spirit will convict and trouble those responsible.
I cannot stop, nor help what someone thinks of me. I have so desperately tried to fit in and be the best that I can be. But you see, I’m not perfect, I have made so many mistakes, but I try my best with what I have. I have been judged, backstabbed, the topic of many conversations behind my back and stigmatized because of my mental illness. But I learned something this week, all of that really doesn’t matter. No matter what I do I will never meet up to someone else’s expectation of me. And no matter what I do, it will never be good enough. I’ve been told I should be working. And yes that is true, there’s nothing I would rather be doing and for 28 years I worked and owned my own business and loved it. And eight years ago I was told by my doctors that I would never work again. To which I thought was crazy, I’m going to get better I thought. But you know, eight years later and I’m still fighting my mental illness. Fighting to just make it through the day. Fighting to be just okay, fighting to just functin and survive each day as best I can. And take it one day at a time and no more. Yes, you may look at me and judge me from what you see on the outside and yes I probaly look fine but a mental illness is not always visible on the outside and mental illnss can only be seen and felt on the inside. So before you give me my clearance to go back to work, you better have a Phd after your name. I thank God that I am as well as what I am because having a child with a disability requires, not a 9-5 day job but a 24/7, 365 days a year, full time job. So if you want to judge me, backbite about me-and slander me; I will ask you first to please walk a day in my shoes, in our shoes and then you just MIGHT understand why and how we do what we have to do.
But I prayed and never gave up and last night God intervened. He had to, we were dying and no where to turn. But God is faithful and He was about to show me. All my plans for what I wanted to paint were destroyed, they would never be painted. But God had other plans and yes, God can speak through art if we would just open our eyes. His message came to me loud and clear. Man may think they can destroy you, but God had other plans. So if you have a problem with me, take it up with Him. Because I have tried and I can’t do this myself; I gave it all to Him. I can trust Jesus when life seems like it’s falling apart. So yesterday I got up the courage to go to my art studio and I sat and poured my heart out to God; He was listening and He was watching. And I started on the road that He was leading. He showed me what I needed to paint and gave me the name of my painting; ‘He Sees The Sparrows Fall’. It’s a painting of two sparrows perched on an outside window ledge, safe and secure. The painting isn’t complete yet but keep following for its unveiling will soon be here.
That night I left my art studio and I felt the presence of God, something I haven’t felt so strongly in a long time. And the words of a song came to me, but I couldn’t remember the name of the song, all I could remember was those few words. So I googled the words that I did know and found the song that God had for me and my family and He confirmed to me that He was going to take care of us. I found the song on Youtube and played it; the song is called, ‘I Can Trust Jesus.’ And the first two lines of that song blew my mind! They are; ‘God picked up a SPARROW that could no longer fly. He brushed off it’s wounds and then watched it soar into the sky.’ With tears streaming down my face (I reminded myself of being like my Dad), I knew this was no coincidence but the hand of God. The song and my painting were of a sparrow; it confirmed and reminded me that it’s going to be okay, we were going to be okay. And no one was going to seperate us from the love of God. I was again reminded of the verse in the bible that says, (Matthew 10: 29-31) ‘Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows.’
So today my heart is filled with gratitude for His presence and protection in our lives. For without Him, I can do nothing. I knew while we were in this storm, that there was only one answer and it was God and God alone that was going to calm this storm. Or if not , we were surely going to drown. I know so many of you today are going through circumstnces, sickness, loss, trials and tribulations that you feel you will never survive and think there are no answers to. But I’m here to remind you that, ‘You Can Trust Jesus’. I have just proven it over the past few days. I want to leave you with one verse from the bible that says, ‘For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'(Romans 8:38-39 KJV)