Month: February 2017

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Does Mental Illness Change Who You Are?

Am I the same person I was before I became severely ill? No and neither are you. None of us are; we are forever evolving. There are times when I look back and wish I were that person again but that’s not going to happen. And that is probably for the best. Maybe my experience through my illness as made me an even better person; more understanding, compassionate and more aware of myself and others around me.

But the part of me that wants that old person back (the  person before my illness) is the part of me that didn’t have to fight to be happy, I didn’t have to put on a front or a forced smile, it just happened. Although I am at a better stage in my illness, I still struggle everyday to be “well”. And also that little voice in my subconscious that reminds me every day that my life can change in a second. My greatest fear; a relapse! But I can’t live in fear that that’s going to happen. I have to be aware of my illness everyday and be conscious  of my mental well being and never let my guard down. If that’s what’s required to keep me mentally healthy then that’s what I’ll do.

I am now at a crucial stage of my recovery; sometimes I think it’s a more dangerous stage then my acute stage. It’s a time when you have a tendency to let your guard down and with this illness; everyday is a work in progress. You have to constantly keep your mind in the moment and never forget where you came from.  Things can change; your circumstances, your everyday routines, life struggles, positive and negative stresses. Any of these things can trigger a setback. And that can put your mind in a spin and panic can set in rather quickly. But remind yourself that nobody as a perfect day, life comes with it’s ups and downs, good and bad…. a roller coaster ride. But because we    have a bad day doesn’t mean we have to head back to the psychic  ward. This too shall pass!

There is one thing I’ve learned  and that is people are watching. Now that can add extra stress to your day but it’s best to concentrate on your own well being and not get caught up in what others think or say. It’s only you that knows what’s going on, on the inside. Too bad we can’t wear our illness on our foreheads, that way people would not have to surmise how you are feeling. As with  other illnesses, you can visually see how that person is doing but dangerously with mental  illness; you cannot see, everything may look fine on the outside.

Yes, I have changed, but that doesn’t mean I’m not the same person but in a different way. The illness itself as taken its toll on me both mentally and physically. But I live everyday with  what I have, some days good,other  days not so good. I work with what I have; strength/ weakness, positivity / negativity, courage / fear, whatever it may be ; I do it because I have to.

I now look at life in an whole new perspective . I don’t take one second for granted. Life is so unpredictable, tragedy or sickness can change your life without a moments notice. What we choose to do with it can make all the difference. It can make us bitter or better. I strive everyday to be that better person.

Change is a part of life. And yes I have changed and I hope you can accept that change in me. I’m trying to be the best of my ability to  be the best person I can be with what I have. Take me for who I am at this moment, for the people that have been with me through this change, please remember; we have all changed. Embrace the change and go with it. It’s not a bad thing! Change is inevitable in all of us!

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My Survival Guide for Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks.

Self-talk

Talk to yourself, no that doesn’t mean you’re crazy. You  help your depression by telling yourself that you will get through this, there is always hope. Use positive affirmations; mine was and still is; ‘one day, one hour, one minute at a time’. Keep your thoughts in the moment; not in the past and not in the future. All you have is right here, right now, this very moment, nothing else. The past is gone, the future you have no control over; what you have is this moment right now. When you are feeling very anxious or having a panic attack; remind yourself that this will not last forever, ride out the storm; it will pass. Remember to breath and concentrate on your breathing, when your mind wanders to other thoughts, bring it back to your breathing. Before you know it you will be calm again. Always tell yourself that these feelings, sensations, and thoughts will not harm you; you will get through this and eventually they will get fewer and fewer. So again, you can talk your way through this, it really works. You are stronger then you think!

Medication

If you are on medication, make sure you take it around the same time everyday and try never to miss a dose. Mornings are the worse and hardest for me, so I make sure it’s then I take my medication. Taking your medication gives you a sense of, you’re doing  something to make this better. Medication right now as helped me and I would not be without it. I even carry a small portion in a little pillcase and put it in my pocket everyday; just in case. Again it just eases my mind just knowing that I have it close by. So always take your medication; no excuses!

Support

People with mental illness most often have a tendency to isolate themselves from everyone. This is not a good practice, you will need support from others. A good place to start is family and close friends; be very cautious here because not everyone will “get it” or understand what you are going through. But you will get to know who does and who doesn’t. So concentrate on those that does. Social media can help; You Tube as helped me a lot, one guy in particular called bignoknow; just do a search, he has been where we are and totally gets it. Also the NL Government as a website called “Bridging the Gap” that can be a source of support. Most importantly, seek out someone you can talk to who as been down this road before and have survived! People cross our paths, not by chance, but for a reason. I was just recently approached by a man who heard my story and told me a little about his. I’ve seen this person around and I would never have suspected that he suffered from a mental illness that is so parallel to mine. It encouraged me so much to know that I am not  alone, that there are definitely others who have been where I am and have survived. And I will too and so will you! I  also find support through my church; a church family gives you the feeling of belonging and surrounds you with people who care.

Meditation/Prayer

This is one battle in your life that you will and cannot fight alone. No medication, talk theraphy, no doctor will cure you. You will have to turn to someone greater. You will have to rely on an higher power and for me that is God. For me, meditation and prayer went hand in hand. Time alone when you can talk, plead and seek God’s help and strength. Without Him I would not be where I am today. So trust even when your faith is small. Pray! Pray! Pray!

Exercise

This doesn’t mean you have to run a marathon. It just means you have to get up and move, even when you don’t feel like it. I remember when I was really sick my doctor recommended that I start of with a five minute walk. Even that was a lot when I was so acutely ill. But everything in baby steps, I gradually worked up to thirty minutes. But just getting out of the house and getting some fresh air into your lungs can make you feel a little better.

Routine & Structure

Lastly, you have to have routine and structure to your day. Just get up, dress up and show up; my motto for each day. Get up and make your bed, wash dishes, do laundry, anything to make you feel you are contributing and accomplishing something. Also, outside things like; go grocery shopping, this can seem impossible to do but gradually work into it. Maybe go to the Post Office. It’s the little things that help. Also as part of your daily routine; you can start journaling. Write down your thoughts and feelings in a book. Just getting it out on paper can make you feel a little better; a release. Just don’t think about doing something, do it!

Hopefully this guide will help in some way. I wish there were more I could do to take away the pain, despair, hopelessness and struggle that I know you are having because I have been there and  still struggles today but I am doing much better. Remember; one day, one hour,  one minute at a time. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

 

 

 

 

 

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Sitting on The Knee of Jesus! By Lisa

  • I have seen many versions of this image of Jesus bidding the children to come to Him, despite the disciples’ intent to spare Him from the extra fatigue, after an already tiring day.
    This particular portrayal is my favourite by far. You see, in my imagination, I see the little girl, sitting nearest to Jesus’ heart, as representing all the precious ‘Laurens’ of the world. I even allow myself to note a slight turn in her legs, tilt of her head and her comfort found from holding Jesus’ hand.
    I’ve wondered, in my sometimes overthinking mind, how Jesus could have possibly decided who got to sit on his knee. I think I’ve finally figured it out.
    There had to have been ‘Laurens’ there that day. Those little ones needing just a little extra from Jesus. He loved and blessed each one of them, in turn, making provision for ALL to get to where He was. Little Lauren was not left out; rather she got to sit on the knee of the very One who had the power to offer her the special blessing that was just for her!!
    I’m so thankful for the knee of Jesus and acknowledge the very special place it is!
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Lauren’s Week at The Janeway

This has been one busy week! And I’m glad it’s done! We spent many hours at Janeway therapy sessions and felt floods of emotions! I’m thankful for all Lauren CAN do! Such hard work for a 3 year old, but her “I do it myself” attitude is paying off! Once again I’ve been reminded that different is ok; and perfectly normal! I adore Lauren for who she is right now! And will support her in becoming the best she can be?!

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DEPRESSION

BREAKS THE MIND

WEAKENS THE BODY

STIFLES THE SPIRIT

STRAINS RELATIONSHIPS

AND MAKES LIFE UNBEARABLE.

UNLESS THERE IS A

GLIMMER OF LIGHT

THAT OVERPOWERS

THE DARKNESS.

COMPASSIONATE

ACTIONS FROM THOSE

WHO TRULY CARE.

CAN ILLUMINATE A  LIFE

LOST IN THE BLACK OF

DEPRESSION AND

RESTORE HOPE!

I CHALLENGE US TO BE

THAT LIGHT.

WRITTEN BY, LISA

 

 

 

 

 

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What is Depression?

We so loosely use the phrase; “I’m depressed”. We feel down or a temporary case of the blues-something we all experience- has nothing to do with real depression.

True depression is not the blues, sadness or even grief. The pain associated with depression is overwhelming despair like none other you will ever experience in your lifetime. Depression is a treatable mental illness, where the person who receives treatment responds well. But there is no cure, the best the medical field can promise is to get you back to a functioning level. It’s like living with diabetes; you get  under control but never cured.

Many of the most overwhelming symptoms of depression are thoughts of worthlessness, hopelessness, fatigue and suicide. The pain is so great, people can view death as a relief. It’s a fact that 15% of people with chronic depression commit suicide.

The most common treatment for depression involves medication designed to increase the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain and  thus improve your depression. Medication for depression is a complex topic. There are so many drugs and cocktails of drugs that it’s very difficult to establish which drug/combination of drugs best work for you; it’s trial and  error, everyone is different.

Personally speaking I was diagnosed as treatment resistant and didn’t respond to medication very well. It took about 2-3 years of trial and error. I am now doing “fairly” well using three different drugs; Bromazepan 6mg 3x daily, Venlafaxine 187.5mg once daily, and Mirtazapine 30mg at bedtime. They seem to be keeping my depression under control and help with some of the symptoms. Finding the right medication for you can take a trial and error period but stick with it, there is something  out there that will help.

Other treatments include; Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), Psychotherapy, Family support and educate yourself; knowledge is power.

Depression is often described as a “chemical imbalance” in the brain. Your brain chemicals, neurotransmitters are not at the levels they should be to maintain a positive mood. The neurotransmitters that affect mood are serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine. So with medication it is the hope that these chemical imbalances can be stabilized to a point where you can live a fairly “normal” life. So there is hope, don’t give up, it’s finding the right medication suited for you.

My personal definition of depression is a little taste of hell on earth! But with ‘HOPE’ you will always see a glimpse of Heaven!