Lauren asked Mommy, ‘Mommy are you sure Jesus is going to make me better?’ Wow, how do you answer that truthfully? What we want and what we pray for isn’t always what we get. Sometimes God’s way isn’t our way. Our timing sometimes is way off, we expect answers right away, but I believe that’s not the way it always works. And trusting God when your five years old little girl is in pain and can’t walk is very hard to understand and accept.
You see, Lauren as been in bed now for months, she is gradually improving but very slowly. She is so intelligent and because she is, there is nothing she doesn’t analyze. Therefore after all this time she as spent in bed and having so much pain and discomfort, she’s starting to question God. Everyone keeps telling her that Jesus is going to make her better. So she, being no different then ourselves, asks the question, ‘Mommy are you sure Jesus is going to make me better?’ Are we giving her false hope and unrealistic goals? Is she beginning to realize that I’ve been in pain and discomfort for so long and Jesus hasn’t made me better? Maybe He never will, maybe this is her life.
And I’m beginning to believe that maybe what we are telling her isn’t what God wants at all. It’s what we want and oh we want it so desperately. There is nothing I would want more then for her pain to end and she could just get up and walk. But is this what God wants? I don’t know, my thoughts are not God’s thoughts. I am trying so hard to believe and trust, when things aren’t looking that great. I believe that miracles can still happen and that God is our greatest option. But the reality is we are tired, worn down, worried, anxious and helpless. There are days when we feel we are sinking, our ship is going down, when we have no other alternative but to keep looking for that light, that beam of hope, it’s there somewhere, still shining; but the fog is so thick with life’s trials and tribulations that it’s so hard to see. We need a miracle, if not for healing, then for strength, hope and wisdom to endure, to overcome, to do what we have to do.
A family cannot experience what we are and it not affect the whole family unit. It’s tough on all of us and we struggle to keep us together. All four of us have experienced so much trauma in our lives, so much unforeseen change, that some days it’s near impossible just to focus on getting through that day. But we try to take it one day at a time and that’s not easy when the decisions you make today, could drastically affect tomorrow. We have to believe that there is someone greater, an higher power that is watching over us. Lord help us to believe.
Harris you write so well – your words are always heart wrenching and yet so inspirational.
We feel your pain and wish there was something we could do. We realize that, but assure you, you are daily in our prayers.
A child’s questioning it is hard when you cannot give her the answer that she is wanting. However, you can remind her, that, if not for healing, then for strength, hope and wisdom to endure, to overcome. He is the One who gives Mommy & Daddy the wisdom and the strength with the doctors help, to give you the best life we know how. We do not see it now, but you, Lauren, are going to be given gifts to make you the woman God wants you to be – He can use you, even if you are in a wheelchair. Daddy & Mommy will always do what we have to do or can do to make life special for you because we love you so much.’ That is about all you can do dear ones.
Just for your thought & hopefully encouragement; Our Linda thanks us today for the way we got her through her rough years – not easy but we made it. Still not easy for her because on that one side of her is so much larger than the other. She cannot wear normal shoes – they have to be made for her and one is men’s size 15 and the other size 12 .. can you imagine we would do anything for her not to have to deal with this but, we are so proud of the woman she has become and serving God as Director of the New Directions Program with The Salvation Army. Plus she is online with others who are dealing with Hemi-Hypertrophy conditions and encouraging them and their parents – she has quite a following. ‘
Take care my friend and know, God is with you always even in the pain and hurt you are feeling because you feel so helpless. Phil 1: 4
Hope this helps jut a little .. bless you!!
Love & Prayers always,
Maxena
Hugs