Lauren asked Mommy, ‘Mommy are you sure Jesus is going to make me better?’ Wow, how do you answer that truthfully? What we want and what we pray for isn’t always what we get. Sometimes God’s way isn’t our way. Our timing sometimes is way off, we expect answers right away, but I believe that’s not the way it always works. And trusting God when your five years old little girl is in pain and can’t walk is very hard to understand and accept.
You see, Lauren as been in bed now for months, she is gradually improving but very slowly. She is so intelligent and because she is, there is nothing she doesn’t analyze. Therefore after all this time she as spent in bed and having so much pain and discomfort, she’s starting to question God. Everyone keeps telling her that Jesus is going to make her better. So she, being no different then ourselves, asks the question, ‘Mommy are you sure Jesus is going to make me better?’ Are we giving her false hope and unrealistic goals? Is she beginning to realize that I’ve been in pain and discomfort for so long and Jesus hasn’t made me better? Maybe He never will, maybe this is her life.
And I’m beginning to believe that maybe what we are telling her isn’t what God wants at all. It’s what we want and oh we want it so desperately. There is nothing I would want more then for her pain to end and she could just get up and walk. But is this what God wants? I don’t know, my thoughts are not God’s thoughts. I am trying so hard to believe and trust, when things aren’t looking that great. I believe that miracles can still happen and that God is our greatest option. But the reality is we are tired, worn down, worried, anxious and helpless. There are days when we feel we are sinking, our ship is going down, when we have no other alternative but to keep looking for that light, that beam of hope, it’s there somewhere, still shining; but the fog is so thick with life’s trials and tribulations that it’s so hard to see. We need a miracle, if not for healing, then for strength, hope and wisdom to endure, to overcome, to do what we have to do.
A family cannot experience what we are and it not affect the whole family unit. It’s tough on all of us and we struggle to keep us together. All four of us have experienced so much trauma in our lives, so much unforeseen change, that some days it’s near impossible just to focus on getting through that day. But we try to take it one day at a time and that’s not easy when the decisions you make today, could drastically affect tomorrow. We have to believe that there is someone greater, an higher power that is watching over us. Lord help us to believe.
