It’s kind of ironic that it’s when I’m in the most pain, it’s then I can write the most. It doesn’t take away the pain, it just helps to alleviate it a little. Gives me the feeling that I’m talking to someone, that I’m baring my soul to them, which in turn lightens the load a little.
Today my heart is broken, the pain that I (we) bear is so overwhelming. Up until yesterday, Lauren as been in bed not wanting to be moved because every time she did, she was thrown into an ocean of unbearable pain. Has her parents, we have been drained, emotionally, physically, psychologically and spiritually. How long can we stand by and watch our helpless five years old angel just not want to move and cry screams of terror if she did. We plead with God to make it stop! What is the purpose of al this pain; she is innocent, helpless and fragile? Please just make it stop!
Early yesterday morning the phone rings. Lisa answers, it was Lauren’s Orthopedic surgeon. I knew by the look on her face, something’s not right. How often do you get a call directly from your doctor? Pretty much never. But here he was calling us personally; he wanted Lauren to be admitted again, immediately, today. Lisa finished the conversation and told me the news. But how are we going to do this again was her plea? When you are already broken, hanging by a thread but yet you have to face another mountain. How can we climb yet another? There is just no end in sight.
The doctor said, ‘we have to save these two hips or if not, all that we have done (the surgeries on both hips) will be in vain.’ We are now in a panic because in order for Lauren to even have a chance of walking she has to have two good hips because if not the Children’s Shriner’s Hospital in Montreal will not even consider her for the other surgeries that she needs done there. This as to work, she as got to get these hips moving and right now they are not. All this pain and suffering cannot be in vain.
Lauren is now settled into her ‘hotel’ room, as she calls it, once again. I do believe it’s where she needs to be, despite how difficult it is. Her x-rays came back good, the doctors had feared that something had moved out of position, which could give her all this pain. But thank God everything is fine. So I guess now it’s weeks of physiotherapy; that will certainly not be an easy road, but it as to be done. No one wants their child to cry in pain and hurt. We still pray that all the angels in Heaven will surround her and protect her.
Today we search for hope, pray that our faith would be renewed and the strength that can only come from an all powerful God. And thus, we start yet another journey.
