                             The days turn into months, the months into years and yet here I am still searching for that escape to freedom. Freedom from my own mind. My brain still captured and in bondage of that thing I call Depression. Some weeks seem like freedom is in sight, then that darkness overshadows me again. Giving up would be so easy to do, but where would that get me? So everyday I fight for my life and maybe just one day my fight will end and my miracle will come. I sat in my doctors office just this week, drowning in a pool of tears;’ I’m just exhausted and tired of fighting’. As he looked helplessly into my dying eyes. My eyes told a story that never could be written. But hope is what keeps me alive, what keeps me moving, what pushes me to never give up.
After 2-3 years of trying practically every type of antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication on the market, every cocktail of drugs, psychotherapy, mindfulness therapy, talk therapy, acupuncture, inpatient assessments, a two month outpatient program at St. Clares Hospital, ECT- Electro Convulsive Therapy and I’m sure the list can go on. It was FINALLY decided that I was treatment resistant; no form of therapy was working. Is there any wonder I could become discouraged and lose hope? But despite everything, I make the best of every day and try to live above my illness and circumstances.
I still believe that somehow, I am going to overcome this horrible existence that this illness as brought upon me. Treatment resistant or not, I am going to beat this! ‘I will look to the hills from whence cometh my help, my help comes from the Lord who made the Heavens and the Earth’. Its in those moments when I feel I can’t go on, when I have nothing left to fight with; that I have no choices left but to turn to God. It’s those times I find hope, strength, peace and courage to go on. Many times over the pass few years I had to say, ‘Jesus take the Wheel’ (a song by Carrie Underwood). I can’t do this anymore, Jesus you take my wheel!
Just this week, I was at a very desperate place, a very dark place. I decided to do a little research of my own and see if there was something I was missing; I came across an article (two really, one pertaining to the other) that looked really interesting and hopeful, it was called Trans Cranial Magnetic Stimulation. Then of course I realized it wasn’t available in NL….surprise! But I thought that maybe I would share it with you and make this treatment more aware. And maybe one day, it could become available here; now that’s faith. Check it out:
This article was published by The Mayo Clinic, describing the treatment:
Transcranial magnetic stimulation
Overview
Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is a noninvasive procedure that uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to improve symptoms of depression. TMS is typically used when other depression treatments haven’t been effective.
How it works
During a TMS session, an electromagnetic coil is placed against your scalp near your forehead. The electromagnet painlessly delivers a magnetic pulse that stimulates nerve cells in the region of your brain involved in mood control and depression. And it may activate regions of the brain that have decreased activity in people with depression.
Though the biology of why rTMS works isn’t completely understood, the stimulation appears to affect how this part of the brain is working, which in turn seems to ease depression symptoms and improve mood.
Treatment for depression involves delivering repetitive magnetic pulses, so it’s called repetitive TMS or rTMS.
Mayo Clinic’s approach
Why it’s done
Depression is a treatable condition, but for some people, standard treatments aren’t effective. Repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS) is typically used when standard treatments such as medications and talk therapy (psychotherapy) don’t work.
Risks
Repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS) is a noninvasive form of brain stimulation used for depression. Unlike vagus nerve stimulation or deep brain stimulation, rTMS does not require surgery or implantation of electrodes. And, unlike electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), rTMS doesn’t cause seizures or require sedation with anesthesia.
This article was published a few years ago but obviously nothing was ever done about it:
New depression therapy should be covered in N.L. say doctor, retired nurse
CBC News
December 11, 2015
Trudy Bradbury says her depression was successfully treated with drugs, but many others are not as lucky. (CBC)
A retired nurse from St. John’s and a doctor in Toronto are arguing that a new treatment for depression should be covered by the medical care plan in Newfoundland and Labrador.
“I would ask them to please have a look at this treatment because so many lives depend on it,” said Trudy Bradbury, who worked as a nurse for 34 years, and suffered from depression herself.
“I know how it feels. I experienced it 13 years ago,” said Bradbury.
“I was one of the lucky ones. I responded to medication and was able to return to work within a few weeks.”
She said about one-third of people with depression do not respond to drugs, and now she’s asking the provincial government to pay for a different kind of therapy.
Repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (RTMS) is a treatment that was approved by Health Canada in 2002, and is already covered in Quebec and Saskatchewan.
Re-setting the circuits
Dr. Jonathan Downar, a Toronto psychiatrist who specializes in brain stimulation, said RTMS is effective, with two out of every three patients showing complete or partial improvement.
“It’s a technology that was developed in the 1980s and 90s, where you can stimulate the brain without having to open anything up. So it uses a powerful focused magnetic field to directly activate the neurons of the brain,” he said.
The treatment works by stimulating neurons in the brain. (CBC)
​Downar, who offers RTMS at a private clinic in Toronto, says the treatment costs between $1,500 and $3,000, with patients needing 20 to 30 daily sessions.
“RTMS, it’s like exercise, it isn’t like surgery,” said Downar.
“So when you apply the stimulations, it’s like re-setting the circuits. It’s like when you re-set your watch, after a few months it will gradually creep back to the way it was again.”
Patients need occasional booster sessions, he said, but with proper treatment can stay well for a long time.
“My message to the Newfoundland government is please focus on the new technology that’s out there,” said Trudy Bradbury, who is motivated now by the depression of someone close to her.
She said the cost of running a treatment program in this province, and covering it under MCP is worth it, because patients will be able to go back to work, and lead productive lives.
It’s also an alternative to electroconvulsive (shock) therapy, which has side effects like the loss of short-term memory.
Cost vs benefit
Jonathan Downar said the cost of RTMS is coming down, with research on how to shorten treatments.
He also said it also provides access to care within weeks of being diagnosed with a mental illness.
Jonathan Downar is a Toronto doctor who says the long wait list for one-on-one psychotherapy means other treatments have to be offered. (CBC)
“We will never have enough psychotherapists do one-on-one therapy for patients,” he said.
“So we have to figure out a way to use our existing supply of physicians and other mental health workers to see larger numbers of people, while preserving quality treatment … to provide good psychiatric care for everybody who needs it, not just for the lucky ones who make it through the wait lists.”
Post-traumatic stress disorders and other conditions could also be treated with RTMS, said Downar.
“It’s being explored for addiction to tobacco and to alcohol and to other substances. And it’s also being used in some cases for OCD and eating disorders.”
Downar said the magnetic stimulation therapy should soon be approved for funding in Ontario. Alberta is also considering it, but in Atlantic Canada the only facility is at Dalhousie University.
Bradbury said she met with health officials in the Paul Davis government to make her pitch, but got no commitment.