Just came across this song today by Blaine Larsen- How Do I Get That Lonely? To have written a song such as this, he must have experienced in one way or another the magnitude of the lyrics of this song and it’s topic. It’s so amazing how he wrote about suicide but never once mentioned the word itself. It is so well written that I was impressed upon to write it in a blog because I can totally relate to the songs questions because I know what it’s like to get that lonely. (Not saying I have all the answers pertaining to this illness).
Getting to this point doesn’t happen overnight. And no one is to blame. But inside your head, there is something quite not right, something as gone terribly wrong. It stops working to a point where you cannot reason or your ability to concentrate and focus is distorted. Nothing makes sense anymore. Having no life at all is better than the life you have.Your distorted thinking convinces you; your life is worthless and everyone would be better off without you. You are so exhausted from fighting this battlefield in your mind, that you just can’t fight anymore.
The hurt you feel is beyond description, the torment never ends. What can stop this nightmare, how can I escape? Your options are running out. The medical field is a must at this point. I prayed with every drug, cocktail of drugs, various therapy, ECT, acupuncture; that I would find some relief, that God would intervene and provide a way of escape.
The loneliness and isolation you felt was beyond words. You could be in a room filled with the best of friends but you felt all alone and just wanted to run.
The emptiness you felt was overflowing. A body with no soul. A life with no hope. You prayed to an empty God; a God that did not hear or feel. But this is so far from the truth. Because standing somewhere in the shadows, He was there and that’s why I am still here today. To tell others of the horrific and unexplainable torture of this illness.
So, to end this hellish existence, one reaches a point of no alternative but to join the angels in the sky and spread their wings and fly. It is my belief (and this is my right) that the God of mercy, love, and grace embraces them in His arms of peace and eternal comfort. Now finally free of the hell on earth but present with the Lord.
I can try to explain the alarming epidemic of suicide in Canada and the World today but I think the statistics speak for themselves. “In 2009 there were 3,890 suicides in Canada’. According to the World Health Organization, “Close to 800,000 people die due to suicide every year. Around one person every 40 seconds”. In 2015 there were an estimated 788,000 suicide deaths worldwide”. In 2017 this statistic is growing at an alarming rate and will only keep growing. Open your eyes people, it won’t always be someone else’s family.
How do you get that lonely?
How do you get that bad?
How do you feel so empty?
How do you get that lonely….and nobody knows.
I pray that God will now use my mended but scarred mind to help put back to pieces, the lives of others.