“I’M EXHAUSTED FROM TRYING TO BE STRONGER THAN I FEEL”. Saw this quote on facebook and thought this really sums up what someone feels like who is suffering from mental illness. Let’s be honest; I think we have all felt this way somewhere in our lives. Mental illness or no mental illness; we are all human. Christian or no Christian; none are exempt from feeling exhausted from trying to be stronger than we feel. Life has a tendency to catch up with us and sort of sucks the life out of us. Maybe age can do that too but we are all in denial of getting older, lol.
My mood disorder (major depression and anxiety) as certainly exhausted the life out of me. There is no tired like mental fatigue. It just drains you to the point of not just wanting to lie down and rest but to literally give up. My mornings are exhausting, not from physical work, but from my mental fatigue. You would think that mornings would be the best part of my day. I wish, but that’s not working too well for me. My serotonin levels are really low in the morning; on a scale of 1-10(1-9 really; there is no perfect 10), I would be a 3. But gradually as the day progresses I become a little better. On a good day, maybe a 7. You may be thinking, sorry buddy; I have no idea what you’re talking about. Well in reality, whether you know it or not; there is no one with perfect mental health. That’s why it’s called “cloud 9” and not cloud 10; there’s no one on that scale of the perfect 10.
But everyday I push myself to my limits; what choice do I have? I am fighting desperately to keep us all together. The demands of raising two children in a world that is so filled with the pressures of being the best parent you can be and sometimes that can push you to your limits. From providing the best name brands, latest in technology, highest achievers in school and in extra curricular activities. The pressures sometimes make you feel you are in a pressure cooker about to explode. But perform I must, in spite of my illness. But I know and realize that all those “pressures” aren’t the most important things in raising your children. I believe teaching them that they are unconditionally loved, teaching them good morals, respect for others, to be confident in themselves, to be the best they can be and that God loves them; no matter what.Those are the most important values to instill in your child, to give them an happy and fulfilled life. So when we look at life in this way, the pressure is released and we don’t have to feel exhausted and the demands of raising children doesn’t feel so overwhelming.
I think from time to time we all feel exhausted from trying to be stronger than we feel. Whether that’s from work related exhaustion, everyday demands, raising children (especially a child with a disability) or just plain everyday. Life requires energy and sometimes our fuel tank is down on empty. But I still believe that I have to look to my Heavenly Father for the strength I need to be stronger because He promised us to wait on Him and He would renew our strength for each day. Don’t be afraid to ask, “We have not, because we ask not”.