What I’ve Learned About Depression

Depression is not the same for everyone.  My symptoms of depression  could be totally different then someone  elses. My most prominent symptoms were  uncontrollable emotion , sadness and hopelessness. Someone else’s could be totally different.

The duration of my depression could be different then someone else. Some people may only experience depression for a few months and may never experience it again. But others like myself may experience depression for long periods of time. My first episode was when I was sixteen and up until my last episode, I had several  throughout my lifetime. But I always seemed to manage to crawl out of the dark hole and live a functional life. Up until 4-5 years ago (I’m 52 now) I experienced the worst  episode of my life. It was an episode where I was totally shut down as it were. This does not mean that everyone will experience what I did and I pray they never will. I still struggle to this day; not to the extreme that I did at the beginning of my breakdown, but I still struggle.

Medication doesn’t always work for everyone. I was treatment resistant, so medication did not always work for me. It took years (2-3) for me to find something that remotely alleviated some of my symptoms. Nothing was a cure!  I am still not back to a functioning level where I could live a “normal” life. My depression  is not what you would say to be “under control”. So I have to fight every day to have some form of normalcy to my life.

Depression can destroy your life, that’s why you have to fight for your life! And there are days when you feel like that fight is depleted. It can destroy relationships, marriages and  friendships.  Some people cannot cope with this dreaded disease and just “run”. They can’t take it anymore. For caregivers of someone with mental illness this is very common. The stress, the strain and the strength it takes just becomes too overwhelming. Everyone has a breaking point.

There is no one exempt from depression. If you have this gene, if this is a part of your anatomy or its inherited through your family bloodline then you can exercise til the cows come home, do yoga til it’s coming out your ears or think positive thoughts until they come out of your yen yang(wherever that is). If you are prone to have depression, then you will. But learning to live with it is a must. Doing all those things I mentioned will certainly help,  I’m just saying they will not cure you. Sometimes I believe that accepting it relieves some of the strain of living with depression. Because fighting “all of the time” can leave you lifeless. It’s like a car, if you keep going, the gasoline will eventually run out.

Not everyone will understand your illness, they just won’t “get it”. Don’t even waste your time trying. Surround yourself with people that do. Don’t be shocked when you encounter someone close to you, whom you thought would  understand but didn’t . Some people , especially if they haven’t encountered depression or any mental illness, just won’t get it. That’s no reflection on you but on their ignorance ( not knowing). And just leave it at that!

Life is not on a plateau or a level plane. It is more like a roller coaster. Everybody experiences ups and downs. Those dealing with depression probably have more downs then ups. But we have to realize it’s all a part of life. The good, the bad, the ugly.  So whether we suffer from depression or not; we will have ups and downs to our moods. Just remember when you are experiencing a up; enjoy it to the fullest.

In conclusion , everyone’s journey is different!  For some people medication is a must. For others, long term psychotherapy might be the answer.  Whatever works! What I am  suggesting is that everyone has a path to healing and the main thing is to find it and never give up!
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