Month: January 2017

Posted on

Depression is a Choice! Words Matter!

Be careful the words you say…. they could kill!

The Bob’s of the world are out there and they believe that we have a choice. We choose to be depressed. I am so tired of hearing this and then there’s ‘be strong’. Are you trying to say I am weak? I’m sick! How can you be depressed, you have everything going for you? You have a beautiful wife, beautiful kids, a nice house, etc.. What’s your problem? I don’t have a problem, I have an illness. If I won the lottery today, it would not make any difference to my mental health; that’s not the way depression works.

We are not talking about someone who is down because their cat died or a down day; feeling a bit blue. Everybody have days like that but what I’m talking about is a neurological, biological, chemical issue with their brain and they don’t know what’s going on, they are scared to death. The last thing you need is someone minimizing, misunderstanding and misjudging you.

The thing about clinical/major depression is people on the outside cannot see it. You don’t wear it on your chest (you probably should, then people might get it). You wear a smile on your face and put on a fascade that you could win an Academy Award. That person appears great and then they kill themselves. But they looked and seemed fine the last time I saw them! We can fake it to the bitter end  if we think we have to. We don’t wear our depression on our skin like a rash. To preserve our pride, dignity, our ego; to hide from the Bob’s. Don’t listen to these people who think they have all the answers; the Bob’s of the world, they will always be. But don’t take it personally.

Let me paint you a dark picture Bob. You might walk around self righteous, in your “good” mental state and say something ignorant to a friend or family member (who is suffering from depression), that you make them feel so embarrassed, ashamed, so unworthy of their illness, insecure that they are not stable like you, that they might go and kill themselves. You might have killed someone; that’s what ‘words’ can do.

So if you don’t know what you’re talking about; shut up! I know we have the well do’ers who think they’re helping by saying certain things like; ‘be strong’, ‘think positive’, ‘you don’t have anything to be depressed about. You’ve been blessed if you have not been clinically depressed or dealt with major depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts. But we are not that fortunate. So saying something hurtful (maybe not intentionally meaning too) but you say it anyway; can push that person over the edge. So be careful what you say, is it really going to do some good or will it harm someone, think before you speak. Some of us don’t have that luxury of choosing to be well, it just happens and out of our control.

We all need to look out to each other, we all matter, each life matters. The people that are depressed, didn’t ask to be depressed. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. And pray, pray you never get depressed. If I could pass this illness over to you for just one moment; you would never say something insensitive, mean, ignorant, cold ever again.

So overlook the “Bob’s” of the world. You matter, what you feel is real. Embrace the people that understand and truly care. You’re going to be ok! Don’t listen to the Bob’s of the world but listen to your own heart. And to the Bob’s of the world; SHUT UP! WORDS MATTER!

Posted on

Finding A Balance

  1. Every day I give thanks for my chosen career and the privilege to work in such a noble profession. Yet, at the end of every day, I find myself longing for time, opportunity and means to just be a mom. The role of most importance, sadly often gets the ‘leftovers’ from all the other roles needed to be played during the day…how to find that imperative balance?           Lisa
Posted on

The Cold, Hard Truth About Mental Illness, Depression and Suicide

  1. II thank God for social media because it gives me a voice, a means to tell my story to others who need to hear it.

Up until recently, I thought that society had come a long way when it comes to the way people look at mental  illness and suicide. I thought the walls of stigma and ignorance (not knowing) had come down somewhat. And maybe they have to a certain point but we have such a long way to go.

You may ask, why would you go on such a public forum and talk about something so stigmatised and controversial? A topic many would not even talk about because of fear and shame. Well, I have nothing to fear, nothing to be ashamed of and if I can help save the life of one person; it would make it all worth while. So I speak out once again!

To the person who is suffering in silence, you are not alone. There is hope and peace to be found again. I struggle with this everyday, but I see light through the cracks, glimmers of hope in the depths of despair. We can and will; ‘rise again’!

I don’t get up in the morning and say, “I think I’ll have a crappy day today, that would be so much fun”. NO! I awake with panic, a flow of an hot sensation all through my body, accompanied by fear. I get up and struggle through most of the day, hoping this will be a “good day”. It is not “a choice” as some would say or think. Your broken mind is misfiring and happy thoughts don’t come naturally. The chemical imbalance in your brain causes you to see darkness, hopelessness, helplessness and constant negative thoughts that a “normal” brain would not feel. Don’t get excited and think you’re normal – there is no such thing; we all have something, none of us are perfect.

Then there’s the “myth” that it’s the devil making you feel this way. Well let’s not give the devil so much credit! This is not a spiritual battle going on in my head, no more then someone with cancer fighting a spiritual battle, they are fighting an illness and so are people with a mental diagnosis. Yes, I believe as sin entered the world, so did sickness. It’s far beyond my mental ability to understand the “WHY?” I don’t know why God allows this to happen, why I’m sick, why some die by  suicide, why some have cancer and the list goes on. But God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. We cannot see the big picture because our thinking is so small compared to that of an all knowing God. And that’s where I leave it; to God! It’s not for me to say or judge, that’s His department. I just need to trust that He knows best.

Then there’s suicide. What? You are going to talk about suicide? Yes, indeed I am. The ancient myths, lies, opinions and beliefs about suicide are sickening and primitive. It’s time to open our mouths (we use it for everything else) and our eyes, minds, and hearts. I am/was borderline suicidal, when I was at the acute stage of my illness. I prayed to God to just let me die and end all this pain and torment. I could not come to do it myself, not that I’m any stronger then the next person but I believe God as another plan for me and that’s why I’m still here. To be an advocate, a voice; to help others and their caregivers and to give insight on what this illness really is all about. Some statements that I have heard over the years are: 1. If they took their own life, they must be going to hell. 2. That is such a selfish thing to do. 3. They could not have thought about their family and the impact it would have on them. These statements would definitely come from someone who has no idea, no knowledge about the illness and never walked in their shoes.

First of all, the pain and torment that this illness brings is unbearable and you feel the only escape, the only way out is suicide. You see no hope, only a dark tunnel with no light at the end. You get so desperate and so tired of fighting, until all your strength is gone; you have nothing left but flesh and bones, no ability to reason. Thus death is your only way to find peace. Also this is not a selfish act or cowardly way out as some would say but quite the opposite. It is a way to relieve your caregivers of the burden you have brought into their lives. It’s a way to free them of the worry, pain and suffering you have afflicted on them. So you are convinced that they would be better off without you. You are doing them a favour. For those of you who have suffered a lost of a loved one, know now that they are finally at peace and they did this to free themselves and you of this horrible, horrific disease. Do not be ashamed or angry; it was their illness that made them do this. The real person that they were, is now at peace with the angels and are watching over you from afar.

I hope in some small way I have shed some light on this so misunderstood and complicated disease. May we all find compassion, love and forgiveness and  look at mental illness in an whole new light. And may we never be quick to pass judgement on anyone suffering with a mental illness, until we’ve walked a mile in their shoes. May God open our minds and hearts to be our “brothers keeper”.