Tag: society

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Wear Red

It’s National AccessAbility Week (NAAW) 2024, May 26-June 1 and is a nationwide week of recognition that celebrates the many social, economic and cultural achievements of persons with disabilities. The theme for this year is: “Forward Together: Accessibility and Inclusion for All”. Then there’s the Red Shirt Day, this is an Easter Seals initiative and was first celebrated in 2019. It takes place on the Wednesday of NAAW each year. Red Shirt Day for accessibility and inclusion is a day when people across Canada come together and wear red to create a visible display of solidarity to show their support for disabled people and their families, celebrate the achievements of disabled Canadians and to pledge their commitment to help create a fully accessible and inclusive society.

This is all wonderful and we so appreciate this nationwide week of recognition. But we are not living in a perfect world and sometimes, more then not, this world can be cruel, discriminating, judgmental and uncaring. Accessibility and inclusion are for the most part not at the forefront of our society. We can say this because Lauren as been the recipient of such injustices on many occasions. The minute Lauren steps foot outside our door, or should I say, ‘the wheels of her wheelchair’; then the reality of just how inaccessible and non-inclusive our society and system really are. And this is why we decide on this particular Wednesday, to NOT wear red, in recognition of this injustice to disabled persons. The theme for this year; “Forward Together: Accessibility and Inclusion for All”, sounds great if it were only true.

In this blog I will certainly give praise and applause where it is do but I will also give you some astounding and shocking illustrations of just some of the injustices that we have encountered during Lauren’s years of struggling with this disability. I was just about to disregard this whole blog and throw it in the garbage. I thought, ‘what’s the point?” I have advocated for years and it seems I get nowhere; only exhausted and frustrated. But this will be my last and final blog on this topic, I’m tired and rather then putting my energy into a fight that I know I will never win; I will put my energy into giving Lauren the best life that I can, in spite of everything else.

I will list the non-profits and organizations that we are so thankful for and have helped us to make Lauren’s life just a little bit easier. I cannot elaborate on these because it would take forever. But we are so thankful for: Easter Seals, CNIB, APSEA, Rainbow Riders, The Shriners Children’s Hospital and The Children’s Wish Foundation.

But, sad to say I could write a book on the lack of accessibility and inclusion within our own province and society of NL. I will elaborate on just a few, just to give you an idea of what we deal with on a daily basis.

One very important issue would be accessible public washrooms. You would be amazed at the number of washrooms that are ‘not’ accessible, to a point where, if Lauren needed to use the washroom, then we would have to take her home or take her to another establishment that provided an accessible washroom that she could use. It is appalling to me, in 2024 that we still are dealing with this issue; sometimes it’s easier to find an “Outhouse”.

Then there’s parking!! OMG!! Yes you may find the ‘limited’ blue handicap parking spaces that are so misused it is shameful. One example, if I am driving our van and Lauren is ‘not’ in the van; that doesn’t give me the right to park in the blue zones just because I have the sign in my van window. I will park in a regular parking space. I could go on and on with examples of parking incidents but one is sufficient to make my point.

A very important violation of Lauren’s rights to accessibility and inclusion and is very near to our hearts are community and school playgrounds. The closest that Lauren can access her school playground is, she can get to the gate/entrance. When outside play is supposed to be a big part of our children’s curriculum; then where is Lauren supposed to play? The Dept. of Education puts absolutely no thought into inclusion and accessibility when designing playgrounds for ALL children. To my knowledge there is not a school playground in this province that is totally accessible. Very sad!

Many organizations, clubs, associations, leagues or specific groups are not at all accommodating if you have a disability. One such club in particular, knowingly discriminated against Lauren because she was disabled and offered us $2500(which we did not accept) to keep quiet. I have the written proof of this transaction but we could not bring a lawsuit against them because we didn’t have the financial means to do so. We had no choice but to cut all ties, communication and correspondence because of the immense about of stress that the whole situation brought into our lives.

As any parent would, no matter the ability or disability of your child; you want only the best for them. But when you have a child that is not on the ‘normal scale” of what society defines as “normal”, then you are in for a not so pleasant journey. You will be confronted with many obstacles, hurdles, roadblocks and barriers that you would have never otherwise encountered.

We will wear red everyday for our precious Lauren, 365 days a year!

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Our Reality

For the past fifty-six years now, I’ve attended the Academy of Life. And throughout these years I hope to think I’ve learned a thing or two about life itself. Many have been the ups and the downs, the joys and the sorrows, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad; you get the idea, sometimes life seems like a roller coaster ride and you just want to stop and get off. I can’t take this anymore, I’ve had enough. But we keep going, it’s life, we did not create our own reality. So we live life to the best of our ability with what we have.

So what do I mean when I say, ‘we did not create our own reality’. It most commonly means that we didn’t create the world in which we live, and this includes how we think and feel. We certainly live in a society that definitely tries to convince us that this is not true (and I respect that). But from my own life experiences, I find this to be my truth. No matter how I used the ‘power of positive thinking’ or ‘like attracts like’ (The Secret). Everything in my life didn’t come falling into my lap. If that were the case nothing bad would ever happen to us and we know that is not true. And then there are others who might interpret this to mean that if you think negative thoughts, bad things will happen (or think positive thoughts and good things will happen). Yes we can think both negative and positive thoughts but they will not dictate our reality. My thoughts, due to my mental illness, are sometimes distorted, lack of concentration, losing train of thought, memory loss; all which lead me to a disabling reality. So in short, it suggests that by controlling your thoughts, you can control your destiny. When in fact I am not always in control of my thoughts because if I were there would be no room for negative thinking. So I could ‘try’ to think positive thoughts but that is not being realistic, neither is it being a pessimist. Sometimes I feel we have a tendency to brush the negative thoughts under the rug because we just don’t want to deal with them. And by doing so they will just go away. I think not! It’s our way of coping.

There is a ‘LITTLE’ truth to this idea that we create our own reality. For example, if we’re looking for negative things all the time, sure enough, we will find them. Or, if we look for the positive, we will find it too. Therefore, we do have some control over that for which we look.

That said, the overall statement is hogwash!

What you think does not control what happens to you. Some people have very bad lives for absolutely no reason. They did not ‘think’ incorrectly nor is there anything wrong with their character. Similarly, some people have great lives for no reason. These people are not superior; they don’t ‘think’ in a better way, lets just say they are luckier.

Now I better back up with what I just said with some proof. Take a child who is starving to death in a third world country. That child did nothing wrong. That child cannot think their way out of their situation. That child will die, not through any fault of their own. They will die because life is cruel at times and unfair and they were born in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Me on the other hand was not born in a third world country. I was born in Canada, a fairly rich country. That doesn’t make me better than the child in the third world country. But it sure gave me an advantage over the child in the third world country and I did nothing to deserve it. Guess I was just luckier?

The people that think they can create their own reality, are people with good realities. They seem to think they did something ‘right’ to manifest these realities. We all have to take responsibility for our own lives; we have to do what we can with what we have. You might be fortunate enough to be born  into a rich family, you did nothing to make that happen.

Where am I going with all of this you may ask? Well, I was born with a mental illness. I have spent years of my life in a life-threating depression. There is no amount of thinking that could free me from this prison. And there is no amount of thinking that can get people out of all the horrible, unfair illnesses and life circumstances that strike people. So please stop blaming people for their own realities. I am not to blame for my own reality. I did not ask for this illness, no more then Lauren asked to be born with cerebral palsy. Your life could be going along wonderfully and then something terrible happens and there’s nothing you can do to stop it, it’s out of our control.

So while we don’t create our own reality, we do deal with reality in the best way we can. Life is not always easy, or smooth going, it’s certainly not always in our control. No matter what we are facing today, we can’t give up but we have to keep going and one day we will reach the finish line, supposedly we have to crawl, we will make it!

 

 

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Break Down Some Walls

I finally got a chance to sit down for a few minutes and ponder what I may share with you today.  I quickly scrolled through my Facebook newsfeed and stopped at a message that reiterated what I’ve been saying all along. And that being, stigma is still so prevalent in our society today. That being the negative, discriminating and prejudice way our society still label persons with a mental illness and put all mental disorders in the same group.

The lady was responding to the horrific shooting in Las Vegas: 58 killed and over 515 injured! I would certainly agree that this was an act of evil indeed. But she made the statement that blew my mind (no pun intended); “how can so many people with mental  health issues get these kinds of guns that kill such a crowd of people so quickly”. Ephesians 6:12 came to mind; “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” No where do I see here any reference to mental health. I had no choice but to respond; me being ‘a person with a mental health issue’ and being an advocate for Mental Illness. I could not let this one go. And I will share my response, I may sound a little annoyed and upset; well I was. In 2017 I would hope to expect better, silly me. So I responded with; ” I really don’t know how to respond to your ignorant statement. Do you believe honestly that it’s only people with a mental illness that can do such an act? Mental illness and evil are not one and the same. I have a mental illness and I was disturbed by your statement. It’s this mentality that build walls of stigma that is so unjustly placed on mental illness. I will keep you in my prayers, that God will open your narrow mindedness’. Sorry but that’s me, call it like it is; if it walks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck; then it’s a duck!

Now maybe I’m a little harsh or a little sensitive to comments that refer negatively to mentally ill persons.  but if I made a comment for example like;” All diabetics are fat”. That would be so not true, some maybe but not all and also would be very rude to even say it. So, that would be like saying that all criminal action is only done by people that are mentally ill. So therefore all you “perfectly, normal people out there would never commit a crime”. So not true! For one thing there is no such thing has normal, we would all want to think we are. Who can define what normal is anyway? Google doesn’t even do it justly, “conforming to a standard, usual, typical or expected”. Very vague and broad in my opinion. So let’s not be quick to judge anyone has being normal or mentally ill. There is no one perfect, especially when it comes to the brain, I think we are all a little mentally ill in one way or another lol.

There’s certainly a lot of talk about mental health awareness, but are people really “getting it”? I feel I am just has “normal” has the next person. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I am breaking down the walls of stigma one person at a time. I am not expecting to change the world but I am and will do my part to make my voice heard, right where I am; in my part of the world.

This past weekend I was guest speaker at the “Mental Health and Wellness Exhibit”. I was overwhelmed with gratitude in the way the audience interacted with me; which made for an amazing discussion and learning experience for us all. I am so thankful for the opportunity to speak with others who totally ‘get it’. A road to healing for everyone that attended, has I shared my journey with mental illness.

It was also my honor and privilege to be guest speaker on the television program; ‘Heart  Matters’ on NTV. A great venue to tell my story and help others who are dealing with mental illness. It certainly provided a greater exposure to the hushed topic of mental illness. Little did I realize who my listening audience really were. And I didn’t realize until Monday night when I got a call from our Member of the House of Assembly: Ms Pam Parsons. She saw my story and was hoping that I would be willing to tell it in a session at the House of Assembly, upon the approval  of a request to do so. It’s funny how life presents itself, I would never think in a million years that I would be given this awesome opportunity to tell my story at a Government level. I was a little discouraged that what I had and needed to say was not falling on the ears of  people who had the power to make a difference and make some change. I prayed that God would open the doors so I could do just that. So sometimes we have to be careful of what we pray for; it just might come true. And thank God for me it did.

So if the walls of stigma are going to come down, even a little, I will say I have done my part. What others think of mental ill persons has to change and speaking out, educating and taking action is what’s needed in our society today. So, let’s all do our part and support each other. We will break down some walls!

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The Biggest Threat To My Mental Health

The rain is coming down in buckets or is it raining cats and dogs? Either way; it’s raining. And just like life, the sun doesn’t always shine, there has to be some rain sometimes. Eventually the rain will end and the sun will shine again; that is one thing we are guaranteed in life, nothing last forever. So it is with my illness, I have days when it’s pouring rain but then there are days when the sun shines again. There will come a reprieve, a calm. It’s my belief that for a lot of us, this illness never fully goes away; but that doesn’t mean we can’t have sunshine in our lives. There are several threats that impedes this ray of sunshine from shining.

The expectations that society has put on mental health is one such threat. We are expected to put on a pretty face, a smile, and pretend everything is ok, so others won’t be exposed to our illness. And in so doing it will alleviate them of their uncomfortable, social phobia of mental illness. I swear some people think this illness is contagious. Trust me it’s not. Society needs to realize this is an illness just like any other illness, certainly not a threat, we just want to be accepted and not treated has a second class citizen but as a human being that is suffering on the inside. But in a way that you cannot see because it’s not a physical illness but oh so real on the inside. A pain that you cannot see.

Let’s attack the Government again; like its going to do some good. I’m not being a pessimist but a realist. I think one of the last things on the “to do list” of our Government is to invest in the growing epidemic of mental illness. My heart goes out to all those who are suffering with no help available.Therefore I consider the Government a very big threat to my mental health and I hold them accountable for lack of treatment, support and availability of humane facilities.

And of course stigma isn’t a word that’s going away anytime soon, when it comes to mental health. The minute the words itself, “mental illness” is mentioned; the red flags go up. It is one of the most stigmatized issues in our society and that is really too bad. It is only when we speak out and began talking about and educating society on this issue will these walls of stigma come down. I’m certainly open to talking about my mental illness. I just hope it’s doing some good and not falling on deaf ears. Because if the walls of stigma did come down, even somewhat, it would certainly help in diminishing the threat against mental illness. And one less thing that we as sufferers would have to deal with. And would be able to concentrate on getting well again.

But the greatest threat against my mental illness is; “Myself”! For me and I am only speaking for myself, that sometimes I was my greatest threat. I put too much trust in others and hoping for someone or something to make me well. When really I needed to search within myself; I had and have more strength and wisdom then I realized. I was afraid of what others thought of me if they knew I had a mental illness. Big deal what someone else thinks, they are not walking in my shoes. What really matters is what I think of myself. And yes there are/were times when my self confidence, my self worth and my sense of belonging was very low. But gradually over time, I realize, I am no different then anyone else out there. We all have our struggles, failures and insecurities. And me having a mental illness, doesn’t make me any less of a person then someone who doesn’t. I’ve begun to realize that I can’t look at myself as being different but unique, equal and not a threat to my own well being.

So, from now on, I will hold my head up high, walk with confidence and not be ashamed of my mental illness. I will shout it from the mountain tops and before long others will follow and not be threatened by anyone or anything.

Monique

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The Church and Mental Health


In our society today and throughout history it’s been the consensus that Christians are not supposed to be depressed or have anxiety; we are supposed to have it “all together”. In our culture at large, there is enough of a stigma surrounding mental illness that it becomes more difficult for sufferers to find the support and understanding that we need. You would think that the one safe place that a person suffering from mental illness could find support would be the church. I am happy to say that I have found much support and encouragement from the churches I have come in contact with and I applaud them! But sadly to say that is not always the case. Just as prejudice, stigma, ignorance, misunderstanding and lack of knowledge is still found in our society(somewhat to a lesser degree but still a long way to go) so it’s also found in the church.

It’s true that the scientific community as yet to come to a universal agreement on the nature and causes of depression. The general consensus is that depression is a medical condition and not a personal or spiritual failure.

Does the church give the impression that anyone who decides to follow Jesus must have perfect mental health? Can we break down the walls/barriers that threaten to keep sufferers isolated and alone. The church needs to start looking at this as an illness, not a spiritual battle or a personal flaw or weakness. Then people will come out of the woodworks and seek help and know that God loves them just as they are, in all their brokenness. And not feel like the church is somewhere they don’t belong or feel welcomed. Our churches should be a place of refuge and encouragement to all who seek God, none to be secluded or left out.

Then there’s the healing issue. “Well if you had more faith you would be healed or you need to pray more…”. As with any illness; not everyone is going to be healed, mental illness is no different. It doesn’t mean that God loves me any less, it just means God knows best. Now that’s a tough statement for me to say because I want to be healed/delivered from this hellish existence more than anything. But that’s not for me to decide. “Thy will be done on earth..”. But if healing is not in the plan then I ask for His strength and wisdom for every day.

I grew up in a generation where mental illness was looked upon in a negative manner. If you suffered “bad nerves” then you were missing some of your marbles; you were not considered “normal”. Especially if you were a Christian how could you be depressed or anxious? In the same way we experience other illnesses; our hearts malfunction, our kidneys fail, our liver stops functioning or we break a bone. Things can go wrong with our brain, it’s an organ like any other organ of the body. It’s our misconceptions that cloud our judgement of this illness.

I cannot change my illness by Will-power, no more than someone with a physical illness can heal themselves with positive thoughts (it might help, but will not cure). The church has the tendency to put this pressure on mental ill persons by invoking the idea that we can heal ourselves if we just pray harder and more often, have more faith, think positive etc. Let’s stop right there! God is our healer, it’s His will, when and if we are healed.

There is another issue that needs to be addressed. It’s a one I was going to omit because I didn’t really know how to address it. But let’s start by saying the church, society and culture has most definitely come a long way when it comes to mental illness. I myself have come such a long way; I have become more educated on the topic and my life experience through living with this illness as given me an whole new way of looking at it. The issue I’m referring to is a one where mental illness was and still is to a small degree looked upon as some form of demonic, devil possessed or entrenched in the dark side. Let’s be very careful here; don’t give the devil so much credit. When sin entered the world, so did all sickness; this was not the plan of God but when Adam and Eve fell that’s where it all began. But because they fell, God did not leave us to our own demise. He is still all powerful, all knowing and everywhere present. And in the end God as the last word on mental illness, not satan. “And by His stripes we are healed”.

Let us(and I’m speaking for myself) to stop playing God and think we have all the answers, because we don’t. This illness is so complex, misunderstood and complicated that we don’t have the mental capacity to fully understand it and thus is best left to the omnipotent God; who is all knowing. I am not referring to any particular church, I am talking about the church in general. It’s not meant to be offensive but it’s time to look at mental illness in a different light; with understanding, compassion, love and acceptance. To broaden our minds to see things from a different perspective.