Surviving Panic Attacks

Panic attacks can be one of the most frightening experiences of your life. For the person having a panic attack you feel you are about  to die and panic consumes your whole body and mind. Your body automatically goes into the ‘fight or flight response’. This kicks in when your body feels it is in immediate danger, often when we have an overload of adrenaline (due to excessive stress on our bodies) running through our body. Our only escape is to fight or run from the danger, what we are experiencing is a ‘panic attack’.

We cannot deny what we are feeling is real but what we are experiencing will not hurt us. Some symptoms that are associated with a panic attack are; intense fear, excessive worry such as you are loosing control, heart palpitations, sweating, shaking, shortness of breath or a feeling of smothering and an intense rush of heat running through your body.

For me, panic attacks were frightening and I lived in fear of when the next one would attack my body. I remember having panic attacks several times a day and especially when I awakened in the morning. The fear that accompanied a panic attack was so intense I thought for sure I would die and at times wished I did, so I could escape this hell.

I learned with time and counselling some things that helped during a panic attack. First I had to take control of my breathing. When  in an attack my breath was fast and shallow but that would make my attack worse. I had to focus intensely on my breathing and take deep breaths. I would breath in on the count of four, hold for count of three and breath out on the count of four. Do this for four or five times and I found this would calm me down somewhat.

Remind yourself that panic attacks cannot hurt you, the panic will reside in a few minutes, which may seem like hours. You have to look at your panic attack as being a ship riding out a storm. You have to let your attack to take its course and ride it out. Don’t try to fight it, that will only make it worse. I know that’s hard to do when you are in the middle of a panic attack and all you want to do is fight.

My panic attacks were so frequent and frightening that I was prescribed medication. I used one pill for each panic attack that I had and was taken by dissolving under my tongue. This way the medication got into my bloodstream almost immediately. It did help to calm me down, it was used as a band aid and could not be used for long term use. I had to learn how to cope and get  these attacks under control myself.

Another form of self-help was a method that was taught by my doctor called mindfulness (to learn more about this in greater detail visit Google). In a nutshell, it was living in the moment. Not letting your mind  wander to the pass or to the future., if it did just gently bring it back to the moment and concentrate on your breathing, pay attention to the inhaling and exhaling of your breath.

A big part of being able to survive a panic attack is through distraction; refocusing your mind to or on something else. This does take practice and even seems silly but if you want to take control of your panic attacks and not the other way around, then you will do whatever it takes. This is something else I learned in therapy; use your senses. And by that I mean, use your sense of smell to distract your mind. Use a scent, such as orange peel, feel it as it flows through your nostrils. Is it pleasant or unpleasant? Do you like the smell or not? Keep concentrating on the orange peel and nothing else. The sense of touch; hold something in your hand and keep your thoughts on how it feels. Rough or smooth? Describe it to yourself. Another sense you could use is the sense of hearing (you don’t use all the senses at one time). Distract  yourself yourself by listening to the sounds around you. How many different sounds can you hear? Keep listening until your panic attack as subsided. Then lastly you can use your sense of sight; look around the room at the different colors you can see. What colors are there? How many can you see? Let your thoughts only go to the colors and nothing else. Practice makes perfect.

I must admit my panic attacks lasted for a long time, maybe 2-3 years, but that was me; everyone is different. I haven’t experienced a panic attack for a while now and I hope I will never experience another. It is one of the worse, horrifying, frightening and paralyzing experiences of my whole illness. I am thankful that right now I haven’t had one in a long time. But be encouraged, as bad as they are, they will not kill you; they just feel like they will. You too will conquer this ravishing beast; this horrible chapter in your life.

My Mental Health Update

Here I am years later from my worse relapse of my life and still struggling. I could say what people want me to say; “I’m doing great”, but that would not be the truth. I am all about being real. The truth is, I have come so far from where I was but not where I would like to be. My broken mind is still mending/healing. Then what encouragement would that be for someone experiencing major depression and anxiety disorder; I never give up! Sure, there are still days when I want to, but the battle rages on.

This may be my lot in life, I don’t know, I hope not. But if it is, I pray God would give me the grace to endure. But right now sunny days look a little brighter. I now have more urges to do things that last year I had no interest in. For example, going out in the garden gives me a form of pleasure. Going to the grocery store is not such a big deal anymore. And I’m doing much better socially, it still increases my anxiety but not as intense.

I still see my psychiatrist regularly. Right now I am doing group therapy for eight weeks. My medications have not changed and have been extended for another year. Also my psychiatrist does a form of therapy called Mindfulness; in a nutshell- being in the moment. I see my psychologist every 2-4 weeks; for mainly talk therapy. All of which help me to gradually restore me to some sense of mental health. And also gives me a sense of support whereby I feel I am not fighting this battle alone. So how ever long that is; I don’t know and I don’t know if anybody knows. My psychiatrist in St.John’s told me there was no cure for this disorder but I could eventually live a functioning life again. So if I take his advice this is something I will have to live with. If that’s the case, I will always have a struggle and will have to learn to adjust and accept my “thorn in the flesh”.

My therapist introduced me to a book that paralleled with my life experience with mental illness. “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl. Dr. Frankl was a psychiatrist who was captured and sent to the Nazi death camps; one of which was Auschwitz. During which time he encountered suffering, harshness, starvation, cruelty and inhumane conditions that would break the spirit of any man. But Dr.Frankl said,”..life is meaningful and that we must learn to see life as meaningful despite our circumstances”.

So inspite of my suffering, mindful torment, life changes and loss; life still has meaning and purpose. This as been very hard for me to accept and work through. But as Dr.Frankl stated,”meaning is possible in spite of our suffering”.

So when I have days, like today, that are not so pleasant; I have to remind myself that my life still had meaning and purpose inspite of my suffering. I wish it were as easy as saying,”today is going to be a good day”. But my broken mind doesn’t work that way. It’s like someone with anorexia and saying to them; “all you have to do is eat. That’s not the way a broken mind works. I pray to God for all of us who suffer with any mental illness, that it were that easy. Dr.Frankl was asked what the meaning of his life was and one of his students answered for him,”The meaning of your life is to help others find the meaning of theirs”. May I be the same instrument to others, to find their way.