Recently I was asked to be guest speaker at a “Mental Health and Wellness Exhibit”, presented by; Safety On The Rock and The Splash Center. Of course I accepted and the response was astounding. Helping others with mental illness through education, talking about it and being proactive. This is an excerpt from that speech.
My story is just that; my story. I cannot speak for others but this is my experience with mental illness. And I do not profess to have all the answers, just a lot of insight. Everyone’s experience is different. So I speak for myself, this is my journey….
I suffered from mental illness all my life. My first mental breakdown was when I was only sixteen years old, I am now fifty two. Back then you were said to have ‘bad nerves’ and you went into seclusion and lived in shame. Nobody really knew how to deal with this illness or if it even was an illness. Not even the medical field, especially living in outport Newfoundland. I was taken to the doctor only to be told there was nothing they could do because they did not prescribe antidepressants to teenagers. So I was sent home to fight this battle, this monster, all by myself and fight I did. I felt so helpless, hopeless and alone.
I fought this battlefield of the mind until I was able to be prescribed medication and I found they worked for me fairly well. From that time on, until five years ago, I have always been on one drug or another and lived a fairly normal, functioning life. I owned and operated my own business for 28 years. So you can have a mental illness and still remain high functioning, we just have to work a little harder at being okay.
But five years ago I experienced the worse relapse of my life. It was this relapse that totally rendered me non functioning and totally disabled. I experienced a total shut down of my brain and physical body. I was diagnosed with Major Depression and Anxiety Disorder. My symptoms were so severe that I was closely monitored for dementia. I was not responding to any treatments including cocktails of antidepressants, hospitalization, ECT electro convulsive therapy and anything that would help improvement. It was confirmed that I was treatment resistant and I was loosing hope and getting worse.
Because of my illness and being unemployed, we lost everything we had and had to move to Bay Roberts to be closer to family for support. With all the change that had taken place in my life; it only exasperated my illness to a point where I hit rock bottom, I could not go down any further. Nothing left but flesh and bones, no will to live, I just wanted to die. That was about two years ago now and I have fought to get to where I am today. I am doing much better, I still struggle everyday but not to the extent that I was.
Mental illness is one of the most misunderstood, complicated, shameful, stigmatized and complex illnesses of all times. The brain is the most complex organ of the body, thus the most difficult to treat. Even today there is still so much that is not known about the brain and its many disorders. Dr. Mario Garrett Ph.D stated in Psychology Today, “Our brain is the most complex machine that ever existed.”
According to the World Health Organization, ‘350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. It is a leading cause of disability”. Every year close to 800,000 people take their own life. Which is one person every 40 seconds. Mental Health is in a crisis and its time for us to open our eyes and start talking about this epidemic. Not just talk but let’s “do” something about it.
Its my opinion that Newfoundland and Labrador is so far behind the rest of the world in treating mental illness. When we come to a point when the only alternative for treatment is “out of province” then there’s something wrong. And also I would like to say here that one of the most effective ways to tear down the walls of stigma is to literally rid this Province of the most stigmatized building in Newfoundland and Labrador, that being, The Waterford Hospital. The building screams stigma; often referred to has the loonie bin, the nut house, the mental etc. The building is so old and dilapidated, that it’s walls have a ghostly aura. The question I ask you today is; if your child’s school was in such a dilapidated condition; would you send your child there? Then I ask you why would you send your loved one to such an horrible and disgusting environment has the Waterford. It’s time for the Government to turn it’s attention to one of the most important and neglected issues facing our province today.
I hold the Government responsible for lack of treatment, support and availability of humane facilities. What we need is a new hospital that gives us hope; without hope we will never heal. We need a hospital with an environment that says, “Welcome, you are safe here, we are going to give you the help and support that you deserve”. Is that what the Waterford Hospital offers? NO! Right now every mentally ill patient is cramped into an overcrowded room or wing. When what is needed for someone dealing with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc.; is to be placed on wings or rooms of the hospital that are less anxiety provoking; where patients are dealing with the same or similar issues. And other severe mental illnesses placed in a safe environment for them, based on the severity of their illness, not on wherever a bed is available. It doesn’t make sense herding all illnesses/disorders onto the same ward. You wouldn’t put a cardiac patient on a maternity ward, so why would you put someone with depression on a psychosis ward? Your diagnosis should determine where you are placed in the hospital. So with my experience has a mentally ill patient, I have seen and undergone many demeaning, frightening and inhumane situations.
I have since become an advocate for mental illness. It’s my goal to break down the walls of stigma one person at a time. And to be a voice for those who suffer in silence. We have nothing to be ashamed of. I have a broken mind, no different then if I had diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, kidney failure, etc. Things go wrong with any organ in your body and your brain is no different. It’s just the way society looks at this illness in a negative and stigmatized way but a lot of that has to do with lack of education and ignorance of not knowing. And the only way to break down the walls of stigma is through education and speaking out. And that’s why I’m here today. If I could give you my illness for just one moment; you would look at mental illness in an whole new light. And the walls of stigma would come down.
I believe we have been too quiet for too long. So let’s start talking!
There is hope! Never give up! You can beat this one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Now let’s get out there and break down some walls! 